I don't think of myself as socially inept, but sometimes I feel that way.
I was having lunch with some friends and my God-son wanted to swing. I was pushing my little man on a swing set when other kids and their parents started to play. I haven't been fond of crowds since Iraq, but the more people that gathered close by the swing set the more uncomfortable I felt.
I didn't know what to say or do while the others were around, I just continued to push Little Man. I guess part of me still wants to resist regular everyday life, it's seems surreal. What seems real to me is conflict in some way, shape, or form.
Body armor and weapons are concrete while normal American life feels like a fairytale. Maybe it's a cynical outlook but i feel more at ease when I'm in harms way, on my toes. Regular life dulls my wits and only placates my need for adrenaline, blood, and violence with movies and killing stuff on video games. All that is well and good but there is something missing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, I just feel uncomfortable with people I don't know or trust.